This is a blog about my mental health journey. If reading about issues relating to anxiety, depression, and panic attacks is triggering for you, please be advised. 

Anxiety, panic attacks, and depression manifest differently for everyone. I thought it might be helpful to walk you through how I’ve personally experienced these things and the way they impacted my everyday life. 

Anxiety 

Thoughts

• “If I don’t finish this [paper, motion, grading, etc], I am a failure.”
• “If I fail at this [insert thing here], no one will love me.” 
• “If I don’t check the hair iron 230238 times, the house will burn down and everyone will die.”

Actions

• Overcommitting and over scheduling myself 
• Never taking breaks
• Not knowing how to shut off at the end of the day
• Avoiding people, places, and things that made me anxious
• Excessively preparing for events that are anxiety producing
• Trying to control uncontrollable things 
• Watch “comfort shows” (shoutout Gilmore Girls and Parks N Rec) 

Physical Manifestations 

• Tight chest
• Racing heart 
• Racing thoughts 
• Dizziness 
• Numbness in lower extremities 
• Blurred vision 
• Stomach issue 
• Difficulty falling asleep and staying asleep
• Exhaustion

Impact

• General dissatisfaction with my life
• Constant fear of something bad happening drained my energy 
• Missed out on or didn’t enjoy opportunities 

Panic Attacks 

Thoughts

• It is hard for me to isolate thoughts for a panic attack. Usually, it is a bunch of anxiety thoughts coming at such a rapid speed that I can’t process them or a big triggering event that skips the anxiety steps and goes straight to panic.

Actions

• Sitting in closet, corner, under a desk, i.e. somewhere small and dark
• Hugging my knees to my chest
• Closing my eyes tightly

Physical Manifestations 

• Hyperventilating
• Fainting
• Rocking back and forth
• Loss of appetite and weight loss 
• Shaking

Impact

• Total system shutdown
• Complete inability to function 

Depression

Thoughts

• “Literally nothing I do matters.”
• “What’s the point of trying if you won’t be successful?”
• “This task [showering, eating, doing laundry] is so overwhelming I can’t even get started,” 
• “I can’t do everything and everyone is going to think I’m just lazy.”

Actions

• Over or undereating, depending on the severity
• Difficulty getting out of bed
• Getting overwhelmed with everyday tasks like showering and making coffee

Physical Manifestations 

• Sleeping a lot 
• Lack of energy

Impact

• Getting behind on work 
• Losing contact with friends 
• Letting chores pile up 

As mentioned in the beginning, mental health struggles show up differently for everyone and your experience is valid no matter how you are impacted. This has just been my personal experience, and therefore it is the lens through which I see mental health and share my story. In next month’s article, I am going to discuss coming to terms with having a mental health problem. Spoiler alert: it was NOT easy, and fully admitting it put me into a full-blown nervous breakdown, but was also the best thing that has ever happened to me. 

The information contained in this article has not been written or provided by a mental health professional and is not mental health advice. If you or any one else has a medical concern or mental health concern, you should consult with your health care provider or seek other professional medical treatment.